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Jessicka LaVon

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[ I got my ink on ] [Mar. 24th, 2007|12:45 am]

So if you know me I've been wanting a fucking tattoo for ages and I haven't gotten another drunk prison style, but uh I got this over my scratched out one prison style. So to everyone who wanted to see it, it'll never been barely seen again.

The art it's based on is. . .

A rudimentry peni album


Getting through detailin


What's that on da wall??


There was parts where this tattoo fucking stang. This was a part, but this ass that kept barging in said I had more balls then him and he was a full grown man.

Come see it in real life. It's much cooler.

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[ What I learned. ] [Nov. 1st, 2006|07:48 pm]
"If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough"
-Mother Theresa
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[ Halloween Valentine ] [Jun. 22nd, 2006|05:41 pm]

Skye's right. I haven't bloged in ages. Mostly because I sold my soul. I'm out of touch with a lot of people and I'm going to leave soon anyway. Knights are here tonight! I have been trying to get them to come here since like December.

Tonight feels unusually cold. I can't sleep for obvious reasons. My head is swimming in thoughts and wondering.Woke up to what I thought would be a sunny day in Flagstaff and got a phonecall from our friend who is out on the road in the states touring at the moment. His voice sounded strange and when I asked how his band were, that's when he told me.

It doesn't seem real when you hear the words...."he is on life support" being said about one of your friends but those were the words being said.When you become ill on the road it seems even a slight cough can turn into a full blown sickness overnight and a pain can turn into a virus. You never know what might happen. Today I felt a chill rush through me when I heard he had lost consciousness. I thought back to our last conversation and him asking us to come see his band when they played the House of Blues last month. We couldn't because we had to go to Knoxville for the funeral. I spent 3 months on the road with him at the end of last year and sometimes he drove me nuts because he was so crazy and wild but most of the time we had a blast together and shared a lot of cool stages, inside jokes, Whisky and memories. Along the way he became like a brother to me and although we have always given eachother shit like good friends and family do, there has always been a mutual respect between the two of us. I have never seen someone work so hard. I got to know him before we hit the road pretty intensely because the two of us booked both of the tours we did together...together, so once we were on the road we had built a strange sort of pre-tour bond. At the end of the day...when people connect it's hard to break that connection.

I just felt like writing because I am thinking of him....our little neckbeard, the pugsly to my thrusday and a very good friend. As I think about him at 4am in flagstaff, I know he is laying in a bed in Kentucky so far from his home in LA. They are with him holding his hand and I hope he knows that although he is thousands of miles away from us...quiet, still and thankfully breathing....again, we are with him tonight right by his side too

and he is in our PRAYERS.

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[ Mother FUCKA ] [Apr. 26th, 2006|03:22 pm]
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-- [Jun. 18th, 2004|09:48 pm]
Ah friday night! What time I had with Savanna! I'm sitting here listening to Nirvana and damn it Kurt you make me sad. Bright eyes makes me happy.

So I got my new skirt and the shirt my mom wanted to take back to get a bigger size and I swear she lives to me feel fat or ronchie (haha I love it spelled like that) Anyway yeah so I wait for mom to come home. She made me take off my fishnets. I was somewhat upset, but oh well. So I finally get on the road. Hmm I was in my own little world. My dad was just being an ass and we clearly drove past the turn we were suppose to make. Opps. Went back... my dad was giving me a hard time which made it 10 times harder for me to say... NO GO THAT WAY. I wish I could have just took his car. I call Sav and of course I see it. He is just laughing at me while I'm TRYING to pick up my savvy. Jesus my family is a weird bunch. My sister is so horrible... my mom comes off as high all the time and my dad just makes fun of me or he's yelling at me. We pick her up... aww it was a cute little house.

We get dropped off. Went to some stores... found her mom and hung out in charlie's bar for like a half an hour. We went to Coldstone and picked up some applications and saw Dallas. She said I looked cute. Yay. I don't know if she even remembered my name, but she gave me a hug. I miss her already... such a beautiful girl inside out

We went by the 111 and saw Benny. Oh my I haven't seen Benny in a long time! We talked to him. Poor thing is eyes were bloodshot (I dont think I've ever seen his eyes white, lol) and we talked. I didn't know what he was talking about half the time but he's cool. Talking shit while the guys are walking by and they're giving him dirty looks. Lmao good times.

Oh we saw Dezzy and Kelly in the 111. Some metal band was playing I guess... feh

We looked at flyers and I saw Ani's poster. I was like OMG I MUST SEE HER. Which I prolly will <3. I love Ani. I told Sav I'm going to start making a flyer for our future band now. It's going to be sooo awesome no one will be able to complete. It will consist of naked girls on a carousel smoking and drinking martini's! I have big plans for us. Oh yeah we saw this cover band of ... Oh I forget his name and I told her "Soon enough we'll be there and we'll scare the shit out of everyone!" Oh yeah our gothic rock metal whatever band is going to be marvelous! As long as Sav sticks with me we'll find a way... Kelli should be in it... not sure about others. Hell I might play guitar if I need to. I just want it to be a trip. Fucking crazy music with lights and I want some crazy dresses and I will be all over. Haha I'll pull out my white contacts for it! That'll do!

Enjoy the pictures from today.


Sav pimpatized

Sav on a toliet

Sav posing on the toliet

Hanging out in the bar

me and sav in the bar

free shirt no boobs needed to get it

Me and sav's hand and mine

Me and sav


Me in my dress tonight
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personality cocktails [Jun. 13th, 2004|05:32 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | drained]
[Now Playing |Velvet revolver "slither"]


I like this picture of me... I just took it sooooo woohoo


BeautyScream
Look out for the
m
HOLE

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

For every screen name I have right now... oh yummy

How to make a Dothepanic
Ingredients:

1 part friendliness

5 parts self-sufficiency

5 parts beauty
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little curiosity if desired!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a BeautyScream
Ingredients:

5 parts competetiveness

5 parts arrogance

3 parts energy
Method:
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a MySunsShadow
Ingredients:

5 parts jealousy

1 part arrogance

1 part ego
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lustfulness


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a Inherentgoth
Ingredients:

3 parts competetiveness

1 part courage

3 parts leadership
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a JessickaOfScarling
Ingredients:

1 part mercy

1 part courage

3 parts beauty
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Serve with a slice of lovability and a pinch of salt. Yum!
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love burns [Jun. 12th, 2004|07:55 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | okay]
[Now Playing |the reason- hoobastank]

"I've never played a show with a condom in the audience"

Oh wow what a past 2 days! Graduation was crazy. It was upsetting at the same time. We played some songs and I was excused. I sat up in the seats and I looked at the seniors ready to walk down and I just got very overwelmed with grief. I saw Sierra walk and I just wanted to bring her up with me. NO you're not going anywhere... I watched Chris walk. I just remembered our times and I cried a little. Most of my friends are (were) seniors. Craig my buddy, Sandra my mentor, angelica who I've known all too long.

I proceeded to get a ride home with Megan and planned to go back. Well that didn't happen so I was sorta stranded at my house. Kj called and we were going to go to some party, but when she called me back 2 hours later I didn't have a ride home and it really wasn't the best idea with no ride. I can't wait till I get my own car.

Hopefully, people will see me and form whatever opinions, as long as they know that’s me, not something I’m trying to be.

So today was Craig's graduation party. He picked me up and I really had a blast. Chris was there. Which was lovely. We went outside and talked. It was interesting. tj got craig a woopie cushion and we did that for a while. The weird thing was it didn't get old. It was different and funny each time.

Chris left eventually and he came back and I realized that my feelings for him haven't changed and I wanted him to stay. What's wrong with me? Chris appeals I guess because he took care of me when no one else would even consider it.

Teenage girls are the strangest creatures, because everything seems like the end of the world. Relationships, friendships-Everything is magnified a bazillion per cent

I need to start on my album shit faced

all else fails, just watch Spinal Tap
~+JESSICKA+~
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leave me alone [Jun. 10th, 2004|01:54 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | aggravated]
[Now Playing |gob- fed up]

Hmmm my poor angelica ... her car is hurt and it had to be towed back here. She was crying and this is one of the only times in real life have I actually gone back and made sure they were okay and give them a hug. I've been wanting to do that forever and I finally did it


JESUS AND THE LIGHT AT THE SAME TIME (all possible by cynthiUH)

Hmm so last night I called the sav. She was at the mall and I gave her mom my number because I wanted to talk for a sec. I never got my call. Oh well I was going to see what I could do to help her for our English final. I don't know if she did well. I just wanted her to do good. Pass the class with a decent grade... oh well I think I did fine on my english final so I'm not worried I should have an A or High B.

I did really good on my math final.... I think I'm getting a B in that class. That's awesome because my last mid term grade was a C... bleh. I did good on my PE too... got an A on that test. & Band well who can I not pass it with flying colors? Haha I don't know because I did pass it with flying colors

I guess this means for 2 months I can hide and sleep. I'm going to miss everyone. I'm so afraid everyone is not going to want to talk to me or something. Argh

I guess it's time for my annual school reflection and events and friends.

Beginning of school I hung out with Sam all the time. We'd eat pizza and listen to jack off jill. I gradually pulled Bubba into my little reject group. Besides Bubba's blunt comments I do love being around him. With Bubba came Gimpy. Gimpy and me were the ultimate tweakers. I was little Miss Queen Tweaker. Sit outside and pop pills and my problems just faded away. It was like I was in a field of paper flowers and candy clowds of lullaby. I enjoying laying in myself for hours and not even know it was me (forgive the allusion) Then I went through my... Oh look it's Savanna... I wish I knew her- she's so awesome. It seemed when I really wanted her there she wasn't so I think for a while I blocked my longing for a friend (that was a girl) I put on hold with drugs. Lethal doses that should have killed me. The funnier thing is I'm considered a light weight. I have such a tolerence for meth, speed, and coke that I can take enough to kill me if it was my first time or something.

Then my clean stage were I shut off the world and sat at the picnic table by my self and drew or cried. I could also be found in my corner

I remember sav gaining interest in me and coming to see while I was trying to lite something of mine on fire. I loved to see Sav go out of her way to say hello.

Gradually I become able to go and hang out with sav. Which was prolly the best thing I did that year.

Now it's over


Here's my thank you to everyone in my life right now
Michell you have really stuck it out this year and I'm uber proud of you. Even if you are failing chem (that class sucks anyway) but you pulled up your geomtry and you better not be lying because in my box of things I will sent you when I'm done with be another "woohooo" for that. I'm glad I have someone as genuine as you to love me the way you do. I love ya too... trust me
Alex you are so much fun. I love your insight and I'm glad you're always down to talking with me. Thanks for sticking up for me. It meant a lot to me for you to say... that yeah I'm a human and I have porblems. That's okay ... right? Look out the window- the sun is coming up
Bubba lmao what is there to say? We hung out downtown saying "sucky fucky 5$," saw the rocky horror picture show live, were found in the bathroom at Harkins late at night in the women's bathroom. Even though you saw my music taste for the most part sucks... I still love you because it's your blunt comments that sometimes make me want to slit your throat, it's all good because you're my Bubba
Shanna hmm I believe I've disappointed you this year. I know you were mad at me for something I said. I'm sorry girly. We did have some fun times. Pissing Camein off and sending as out of the room. Making us play that game that was a cross between the name game and duck duck goose for like 45 hours. Too bad you missed tour... it was mucho fun <3
Dave (loathe) oh oh I'm so glad you stayed. I was sooo worried about you- I was like, "where's dave?" Then you came back with your weakened grin which made me smile. Don't even forget that I love you and you're journal at that. No matter what happens you'll still be with me and stay pleaseeeee.
Craig hahaha my buddy! You are the COOLEST guy! I always always have fun with you. Band wouldn't be the same without you. You bring out the best in me when no one else does.
Adam hahahaha this says it all
avarissilence: *eats jessicas house
BeautyScream: Ok I wont...... oh damn you do know where I live *panics*
avarissilence: How does it feel to be in my stomach?
avarissilence: What the fuck is your house made of? This is giving me antacid.
avarissilence: *proceeds to regurgitate Jessica and her house. Flees the scene...never to be seen again......eating houses...

Nick ahhhh you are one of the coolest guys ever too. With our Asian opera singers. My sister is still convinced you are a hippie and she tells me that if you were a good hippie you'd do this and that. It's funny. When we were at the mall and you had to stop your old car in the middle of the road to scrape off frost and snow. You're infectious smile that always made me happy to around ya. Hopefully this isn't the end
Kj I swear I think you played such a huge part in having me get back on track and you were there for me. You talked to me when no one else was brave enough to say anything. Even when I had my razor in my hand. You took me to see Snafu and I had a wonderful time driving out late at night. You're so beautiful in my eyes. I couldn't say any of this (stuff about other people) without you.
Chris wow what a year this was. How knew you'd still be talking to me after I used to call you everynight crying because Brandon wouldn't leave me alone. You said you'd stay and the crazy thing is.... you did. It was so wonderful for you to go out of your way to help me. "When you say you'll always be there, it paints such a lovely picture but no matter how you frame it- it's still pornography"
Kelli hmm not till april did I know what to think of you. I just wasn't sure about you. Now I'm glad I gave you a chance. You're so lovely. You make me smile You say hello just to. We will hang out soon so I can say more nice things about you
Doug story of my life.... I always fall so hard for you and you know it. Nothing more to say.
Savvy hopefully this go on forever and ever. What to say first? If there's anyone I want to be by my side forever it's you. Sometimes I feel like some people don't have very good expectations for you (and me) so I swear on my life we will rock and buy land and a house in Maine. Remake Mr.Sandman. Take someone if you want because the person I want to take is you even though you'll be in the band. You have done everything for me and I don't think you know it. I'd do anything to make you happy even if it meant kill myself if that made you happy then I'd do that. We will be Rotten but Beautiful and the next stage in the grrrl band revolution. I love you more then anything
Mbmb kids I don't really go on much anymore so there's not much to say. For those who still pay attention to me... much love to you. Like Scott <3
Ryan and Jessi we're keeping this fair.... so I think both of you are grand

I'm going to stop... if you so have the desire I will write something about you if you're not here. Just say something... lol

Nothing that I can do about it,
~+JESSICKA LAVON+~
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songs for my new record [Jun. 8th, 2004|06:03 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | crushed]
[Now Playing |jason mraz "absolutely zero"]

here's some I'm really considering

Tuesday morning
I remember stormy weather
The way the sky looks when it's cold.
And you were with me, content with walking
so unaware of the world

Please don't drive me home tonight,
cause i dont want to feel alone.
Please don't drive me home tonight,
cause i don't wanna go

Tuesday morning in the dark
I was finding out who you are

I took your picture while you were sleepin
and then i paced around the room
If I had known then that these things happen
would they have happened with you?
ohh

Please don't drive me home tonight,
cause i dont want to feel alone.
Please don't drive me home tonight,
cause i don't wanna go

Tuesday morning in the dark
I was finding out who I was

And if you turned around to see me
and i was gone
Should have looked outside your window
cause the sun was coming up
the sun was coming up

Please don't drive me home tonight,
cause i dont want to feel alone.

Tuesday morning in the dark
We were finding out who we are
Tuesday morning in the dark
We were finding out who we are
who we are
who we are
who we are
who we are...


I'll always be right there *for the sav*
When you're all alone and you need a light.
Someone to guide you, through the night.
Just remember that I am here, to hold you close and dry your tears.
Just when you thought you were falling.
Then you know I'll always know I'll always be right there.
When you're all alone and you need a friend.
Someone to help you to the end.
When you need someone to catch you when you fall.
I'll be there through it all.
Just when you thought you were losing.
Then you know I'll always be right there.
I'll be there through the good times and the bad.
And we'll be there for eachother.
Cus you're the bestfriend I ever had.
Just when you thought you were falling.
Then you know I'll always be right there.
When ever you need me, I'll always be right there.
I'll always be right there.


Tonight, not again (modified)
The night.
He brushed his hands upon my flushed cheek
Smelled of childhood remnants of a dusty weeping willow
Clouds soothe, Shredded by the calico
Were oh so vast and quick as I was on my own now.

This time like every other time I believe that I never find
Another sweet little girl with sequined sea foam eyes
Ocean lapping voice smile coy as the brightest quiet span of sky
And I'm all alone again tonight not again, not again, not again.

And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely. Lovely, lovely
Say it again, say it again.

Still I'm unable to inhale all the riches
As I'm awkward as a wound on my bones
Still I've got cobblestone joints and plate glass points
As I'm all by myself tonight not again not again

And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely. Lovely, lovely
Say it again, say it again.

And if you should nervously break down
When its time for the shakedown would you take it
It's when you cry just a little
but you laugh in the middle that you've made it

And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice.
Lovely.
Say it again. Lovely. So lovely. to do it again
Again. Loving again. It's coming again.
Lovely.


Love song
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away
I will always love you
However long I stay
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you


Hello
Playground school bell rings again
Rainclouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing
Hello
I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello
I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here, all that's left of yesterday


Till I get over you
Every time I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh
You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue, oh

We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

You just bring me down
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like
To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never tried (You never tried)

We both know
We can't change it
But we both know
We'll just have to face it

You just bring me down
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

If only I could give you up
But would I want to let you off
Of this soapbox, baby, yeah

We both know that we want it
But we both know
You left me no choice

You just bring me down
So I'm countin' my tears
Till I get over you

We both know that I'm not over you

I'm not over you


It's all over today
no one knows how her life ended
she was so sweet
this is too tragic

her eyes sparkled
a river of tears
so filled with fear
she refues to hear
"I love you"

She wanted to believe he loved her
He is her everything
She was never meant to be
Thats all she sees

She told him that she loved him, "all i need is you"
She was going to stay alive
She loves him that much so much more

He didnt talk to her
She paniced
"Does he hate me?"

She knows it's her fault
She's sure it is
She cant live without him

a week goes by
It's too late now
as she plots her demise
she doesn't care if she dies now
this is ripping her apart

"Why cant he see this is too much for me?"

She feels no heart
Sunlight filled with dark

She pulls out her lovely knife
Engraves in her skin
LOVE KILLS

She sat in her room
Watching the floor become red
She knows she'll be gone soon
'goodbye my friend'

the next day the found her
lifeless on the ground
no one could make a sound
they look at her face
what agony it holds

She lies by some papers not touched by her own blood
It's a picture of him and the morbid poem he wrote her

I look at myself, dead and gone
Perhaps this is how it goes
I wonder if he's looking for me?

It's all over now
Jessica is dead and long gone
If only he wouldn't have killed himself in front of her

Her blood glistened
It's a beautiful day
Too bad she can't enjoy it
It's all over today"


When my heart falls down
I believed in no one till I found you
I could see no one till I found you
I never knew my heart could break in such a way
That the best I get is in my dreams, but I'm not betrayed

When my heart falls down in troubled times
I won't let it die
When my heart falls down into your arms
I begin to cry

The end seemed twisted like my soul
That now seems wreckless, with no control
I wasn't much with love till I found you
I wasn't much for hate till I lost you

When my heart falls down in troubled times
I won't let it die
When my heart falls down into your arms
I begin to cry

I cut all the hair that you loved
So I could start over
I kept all the things you left
So I could remember

When my heart falls down in troubled times
I won't let it die
When my heart falls down into your arms
I begin to cry

The passion we fight can overcome
All that's said and all that's done
I will change all I knew
I will rise above everything but you

When my heart falls down in troubled times
I won't let it die
When my heart falls down into your arms
I begin to cry


Known
It's not that I don't feel you
You seem so far away
I doubt you'll even see this
On what I wish was a picture perfect day

I long to help you
I want so much more
& You dont know
How much I adored you

She's left you
You're so alone
Heart is cold
I would have helped you sonner
If I'd known

I long to help you
I want so much more
& You dont know
How much I adored you

Whats there to do now?
I couldnt love again
Why why why why did you did this to me?

I long to help you
I want so much more
& You dont know
How much I adored you

I hate you


Rid of you
Its been so long (june 21st)
Your not here
I want to hate you
It's funny how I believed you and you were gone as you said you need me too
God knows where you are now
Do you even care now?

If you saw my face
Would you know why I was crying?
If I die from this
Would you know why?

You left me
YOU KNOW YOU'RE ALL I WANTED
HOW COULD YOU?
YOU BETRAYED ME
AND LOOK HOW I STILL LOVE YOU

If you saw my face
Would you know why I was crying?
If I die from this
Would you know why?

I'm so dumb
Because I believed you
I dont say your name any more

If you saw my face
Would you know why I was crying?
If I die from this
Would you know why?

He told me to remember the people
Who are here now
& I know I should move on
Because I know you're never coming back
But you must be out there
Somewhere past yesterday's dawn




doubt anyone read all that... lol
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duhhhhhhhh [Jun. 7th, 2004|06:49 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | blank]

it's become almost impossible for me to focus on one thing. i'm always thinking a million thoughts at once and i don't know how to control anything. i need more nights out driving around aimlessly with girls i hardly ever see anymore.

i need more..

[anything]

Nick and Maili come to Coco today. I feel sorta bad for not at least introducing myself. Oh well what to do? Nothing really. It was a nice little escape from that class.

Oh damn I still have my make up work to do. Arghhh.

Uhhhh hello Maili!

Come to think about it. I didn't know Maili in middleschool but I worshiped her. AHhh weird memories of 7th grade. and yeah you hear it first on here... yeah

YOU WERE WARNED
Savvy Sandusky [7:43 PM]: Hello Gorgeous
My Suns shadow [7:43 PM]: hello
Savvy Sandusky [7:43 PM]: I was just reading your journal when an overwhelming feeling of jealousy ran through my pasty skin
Savvy Sandusky [7:44 PM]: Who is Ryan? Ahem? Kissing?
My Suns shadow [7:44 PM]: Ah this guy... jealous? why? *panics*
Savvy Sandusky [7:44 PM]: Are his intentions for precious Jessicka good?
My Suns shadow [7:44 PM]: I don't know
Savvy Sandusky [7:44 PM]: Oh they better be.
Savvy Sandusky [7:44 PM]: Or I swear he'll regret it.
My Suns shadow [7:45 PM]: =-O
My Suns shadow [7:45 PM]: Next time I'll invite you to my house not ryan.... mmmkk?
Savvy Sandusky [7:46 PM]: lol No, that's not it. I mean, the supressed lesbian also inside this pasty skin was probably just worried
Savvy Sandusky [7:47 PM]: Or.....maybe she was the one that wanted to make your legs tired
Savvy Sandusky [7:47 PM]: bwahhahhaahaha.
My Suns shadow [7:47 PM]: Ep do you need a kiss?
Savvy Sandusky [7:47 PM]: Possibly.
My Suns shadow [7:47 PM]: Anything wrong love?
Savvy Sandusky [7:49 PM]: Not really. I just need to finish this stupid report by tonite.
My Suns shadow [7:49 PM]: ha yeah I have my vocab and essay for the portofio and that damn make up work for to kill.... AHHHH
Savvy Sandusky [7:50 PM]: Fuck. I just remembered that too.
Savvy Sandusky [7:50 PM]: *dies*
My Suns shadow [7:50 PM]: *dies with you*
Savvy Sandusky [7:50 PM]: Gah. Then we wouldn't have to do the work.....
My Suns shadow [7:50 PM]: nope
Savvy Sandusky [7:51 PM]: Oh golly this song is wonderful
Savvy Sandusky [7:51 PM]: The Chordettes- Mr. Sandman
Savvy Sandusky [7:52 PM]: I sooo wanna do a remake of this song
My Suns shadow [7:52 PM]: We can
Savvy Sandusky [7:52 PM]: Yay!
Savvy Sandusky [7:52 PM]: Gah brb
Savvy Sandusky is away at 7:52 PM
My Suns shadow [7:52 PM]: k
My Suns shadow [7:56 PM]: I need to go lovely
My Suns shadow [7:56 PM]: nighty night
My Suns shadow [7:56 PM]: *muah* <3 <3



link13 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Jun. 5th, 2004|10:45 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | embarrassed]

I can't believe it. Leo is trying to leave me!!!

They've clipped my wings again
tore them apart and then
left me
No use to fly away to
my yesterday
of freedom
My eyes died back that day
seeing the hurt I may have done
Beat me instead of them
pain is my only zen
of fun

I'll go where secrets are sold
where roses unfold
I'll sleep as time goes by

So hurting here is where I belong singing a song
blood on my hands to stay strong
The flowers in the graveyard are all gone I don't belong
there is no right to heal the wrong
soup's on hot feelin' like a do or die
I can't throw up don't think i even want to try

You still can't make me cry
you've pinned this butterfly
down
My fire's burning out
kill my flame without
a frown
And starving hurts the soul
when you're hungry for
some love
So if I close my eyes
I can really fly
above

I'll go where secrets are sold
where roses unfold
I'll sleep as time goes by

So hurting here is where I belong dreaming a song
blood on my hands to stay strong
the flowers in the graveyard are all gone I don't belong
there is no right to heal the wrong
soup's on hot feelin' like a do or die
I can't throw up don't think I even want to
tryyy- tryyyy- tryyyyyy

SadClown2004 [9:54 PM]: so whats the deal with you
SadClown2004 [9:54 PM]: IM me once and then yer on the road for another 6 weeks
SadClown2004 [9:54 PM]: we have a kid together you know
SadClown2004 [9:54 PM]: you have responsibilites
SadClown2004 [9:55 PM]: spelled accordingly
My Suns shadow [9:55 PM]: I'm sorry! *cries relentlessly*
My Suns shadow [9:55 PM]: I'm so overwelmed!
SadClown2004 [9:55 PM]: Yeah well, thats not good enough for me
SadClown2004 [9:55 PM]: Its over.
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: I don't even know our kids name. Im a horrible mother.
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: noooooo
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: no
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: no
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: no
My Suns shadow [9:56 PM]: You can't leave me!
SadClown2004 [9:57 PM]: :(
My Suns shadow [9:58 PM]: this isn't fair to our kid
My Suns shadow [10:00 PM]: talk to me...... you can't leave me. I know you couldn't
SadClown2004 [10:01 PM]: Actually..
SadClown2004 [10:01 PM]: Ive been talking to that girl ashley a lot.. on those COLD COLD NIGHTS WHEN YER OUT GROUPYING AT HANSON CONCERTS
My Suns shadow [10:02 PM]: YOU KNOW I DONT GO TO HANSON ANYMORE... I GROUPE AT 80's METAL BAND REUNION TOURS!!!!!
SadClown2004 signed off at 10:06 PM

No no not cool!!!!!!!!!


Anyway... I had my saxaphone recital this morning. It went pretty well. My first real solo. Ms. Layton was soooooooo proud of me. So I was happy

Ryan came over. It was cool. Geezus he kissed me for like 5 minutes and my legs were getting tired <3


Spazticsk8er [10:24 PM]: got ya already
Spazticsk8er [10:24 PM]: hotness
My Suns shadow [10:25 PM]: ha... you're very hot <3
Spazticsk8er [10:25 PM]: no
My Suns shadow [10:26 PM]: oh well there's no use in arguing
My Suns shadow [10:27 PM]: what are you up to?
Spazticsk8er [10:28 PM]: sitting here hurting
My Suns shadow [10:28 PM]: why are you hurting?
My Suns shadow [10:28 PM]: may I ask?
Spazticsk8er [10:28 PM]: my back
My Suns shadow [10:29 PM]: not fun... I was skating today and slipped somehow and landed on my back :-\
Spazticsk8er [10:29 PM]: thats how i got hurt
My Suns shadow [10:30 PM]: creepy
Spazticsk8er [10:31 PM]: bb in a min guitar time for a min
My Suns shadow [10:31 PM]: ok
Spazticsk8er [10:35 PM]: back
My Suns shadow [10:35 PM]: cool
My Suns shadow [10:35 PM]: what kind of guitar do you have?
Spazticsk8er [10:35 PM]: crappy begginer yamaha
My Suns shadow [10:36 PM]: hmm how long have you been playing?
Spazticsk8er [10:37 PM]: like since friday again
Spazticsk8er [10:37 PM]: lol
Spazticsk8er [10:37 PM]: i tried before but i stoped
My Suns shadow [10:37 PM]: oh that's cool
My Suns shadow [10:38 PM]: I've been playing for 4 years... I have a Talyor
My Suns shadow [10:38 PM]: I'd let you play it if you lived anywhere remotly rear me
Spazticsk8er [10:39 PM]: my back hates me
My Suns shadow [10:40 PM]: my fingers hate me.... for good reasons. My back is just... achy but it's nothing new
Spazticsk8er [10:40 PM]: now if iwas a perv
Spazticsk8er [10:40 PM]: id think something
My Suns shadow [10:41 PM]: Oh that does sound dirty... I wasn't even trying either
My Suns shadow [10:41 PM]: sorry
My Suns shadow [10:41 PM]: lol
Spazticsk8er [10:41 PM]: uh huh ur crying out for soe action arent u
Spazticsk8er [10:41 PM]: lol
My Suns shadow [10:41 PM]: hahaha
My Suns shadow [10:42 PM]: O:-)
Spazticsk8er [10:43 PM]: uh huh
Spazticsk8er [10:43 PM]: sureeee
My Suns shadow [10:44 PM]: how embarrassing
Spazticsk8er [10:45 PM]: yes ur the finger queen

lmao how embarrassing!
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hugs [May. 18th, 2004|08:06 pm]
[Fuck you I'm | indescribable]






*HUGS* TOTAL!
give BeautyScream more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own
linkpost comment

last of me [Apr. 24th, 2004|01:00 am]
[Fuck you I'm | thankful]
[Now Playing |HIM "poison girl"]

This is my last night in Kentucky for awhile. Oh you poor souls Im coming back!

This is all a fucking joke.


Erasers do wonders to memory.


White them right out.


Maybe I can pretend this all doesn't exist.


This is a fucking joke.


I'll never get that piece back.


Why is my skin so numb?



Well I have questions from people and here they are to be answered!

-which author do you feel you are most like and if possible, why?

I really don't think I'm good enough to be compared to an author. If I was to say someone though I'd say- Miss Path...Sylvia Plath. two morbid girls writing about insanity and hospital stays... woohoo

-does a lot of your work come from personal things or only some of it?

Everything I write comes from personal experiences. It's all I can think about... my life is almost interesting and I like immortizing it in here :)

-what is your favorite poem?

Heh poems aren't really my main interest. I like to write them but reading them on my own time sorta leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Im not sure why

-are you afraid of death?

I was a long time ago, I don't remember when. I remember not wanting anyone to die and how horrible it would be. Now, it just seems like the fear has turned into a curiosity. I can't explain it really. I lay down and think. What would it be? I used to think I'd be something I masterminded but I know now... at least for now I won't be taking my life away and Im not afraid die!

-have you ever been in love?

Once, I have. I was so in love that it hurt. It was so much love and it felt so good that when it left. I felt pain that I could never describe. It still hurts when I look back. The human brain makes me remember only the bad things, but the thing is... I never even noticed those bad things until my heart was gone...

-what do you like on your pizza?

Nothing really fancy. Someone told me once that cheese pizza is the best thing to have after sex and fuck cigarettes. I tend to agree. It may not be field tested, but I agree.

-if you could have been born in any other time/place, what would it have been?

I'd be somewhere so when I could be in my early 20's when BILLY THE KID was around. How cool would that be? I love the west and everything old about it. I wanna be a dancer with a big ugly dress... I guess that means Im a prositute though... but I don't care

-what's something that you've never told anyone before?

I never have told anyone about my relationship with Brandon (the guy who raped me) in detail. Or things with Kiir I just never have talked about.. the things that hurt the most

-what do you live for?

Yeah it's passe but I live to see the world become a better place. I live for myself. & I live to become somekind of person to where morbid kids can listen and feel like they're not alone because hell I've been through so much... & when I do that Im taking sav with me :-D

---------------------------------------
Too many things have forced them into the light.

. . .And all I can do is write. . .

It's not easy being green.

Things could be looking up.

Drain the abhorrence from his individuality. Just another washed up, has-been drug addict. Wasted within his mind rests the insinuating figure of seduction... overrated yet never taken for granted. A seemingly failure of a man was once the King of Words. Everyday you pass his limp, cold body. It rests peacefully in the same postion as yesterday, and the day before that. You pretend not to notice his silent and dead cry for help. It's so hard to avoid his frozen, empty stare. The pale face and white lips resting peacefully on his face are skimmed out of the corner of your eye. Sure enough your steps increase in speed, only hoping to escape from the same vicinity as him. Don't feel bad, as the rest of his passerbys have acted in the same manor. Little do you people know, this unappreciated King of Words was once everything.


see you soon...
jesse
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